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Jan 25th, 2012 @ 5:15 pm

Why I Hate Pandas!

*Pandas are useless. Why are we spending so much money and time trying to keep them alive?

Pandas are going extinct because there are two things they are refusing to do; eating and fucking. And they won’t fucking do it. My guess is that the pandas suddenly all realized how utterly pointless they are, and collectively decided to slowly kill themselves off. Despite this scientist waste millions of dollars forcing food down their throats and showing them panda porn to get their juices flowing (I wish I was making that up).

So, no. I can’t say I hate pandas. I just think we should all let them die in peace, and move on to save species who actually want to continue a meaningful existence.

And here is why pandas need to evolve.

Pandas have to eat so much bamboo, because they are already too fat to get up and get anything else. I’m serious….Pandas are carnivores, complete with sharp teeth and stomachs adjusted to eat meat. I’ll give you one guess to what those carnivore stomachs can’t digest…….you guessed it….plants. The Pandas stomach is unable to process bamboo. It is bad for them, but what else can they do? No panda is gonna get up and chase down a rabbit…or any kind of food for that matter, they are too slow. The panda has to eat more bamboo to make up for the lost nutrients in the meat that it can’t catch which makes it fatter and slower and MORE dependant on bamboo because it still can’t cath any foor, and the cycle continues.

Let’s say you come home and there’s a man sitting on you couch. He is morbidly obese to the point where he seriously degraded the resale value of the couch by sitting on it. He survives on Cheetos, and only cheetos. Inj fact he must eat 70 large bags or Cheetos a day to day alive. But 70 large bags takes up alot of room so you move some of those bags just out of his reach. You tell him you can buy him some real food, you even make him a plate every night, but he never eats it, he remains loyal to his Cheetos. One day he dies, he finished all his cheetos and ther just wasn’t enough energy to go on.

Do you feel sad for that stubborn obeese man? I don’t! And I do not feel sorry for saying that pandas need to either evolve, or get off this planet……soon, because I do not have the oatience for these black and white creatures anymore……